ELDER JOHN D. DENNIS, III

"THE MIRACLE"

 

On March 22, 1990, John Dennis, A PUBLIC SCHOOL TEACHER,and former World Class Athletic was "MIRACULOUSLY" delivered from a severe

Crack Cocaine Addiction

 John has been commissioned to share his story with the world!!  The title of his thirteen chapter Glory Story is, "ONE SIZE FITS ALL. 

 

     It is indeed important to make clear what "One Size Fits All" is not, as reading this with wrong expectations is second only to not reading it at all.­ It is not advice, such as "how to find God," nor is it a testimony which will necessarily make you any better having read it.  However, it is a collection of brief meditations about a whole bunch of little and large frustrations, most of which I experienced myself before I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and personal Savior.­ Although my problem was not yours and yours is not mine, we both have had experiences in life which so easily beset us.­ But God specializes in any situation no matter how large or small because with God, One Size Fits all."  The only person for sure who has been helped by all of this is me, as it helped me to have Faith in God and not in myself.­ We should trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean not to our own understanding, acknowledge Him in all our ways and He will direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5,6).  I have confessed my sins to God and He has forgiven me, cleanse me from all unrighteousness, then miraculously delivered me from several years of a Crack Cocaine Addition.­ So by the Grace of God, I am what I am and His grace which was given to me was not in vain.  Caution!­ Unless a person is ready and willing to admit that they have a problem with crack (or any other sin) and that they cannot control that sin, be it crack cocaine or whatever, and that crack (or whatever) is controlling them, there is very little hope of total recovery, unless they repent of their sins and turn to God.  It was the Holy spirit of God who turned my life around and placed my feet on a solid ground!  It was nobody but God that saved my life and soul from the demonic world of crack.­ The song writer asked the question, "What can wash away your sins?"  He answered, ­Nothing but the Blood of Jesus!  What can make you whole again?  Again he answered, Nothing but the Blood of Jesus.  Because of His blood, I'm blessed, blessed, and more blessed! If anyone else is helped by any of this, it will probably be because it shows people that they are not alone and (without Jesus in our lives) none of us are above basic humanity.  Before we knew Christ and even once we got to know Him, at one time or another we've all fallen short of the glory of God.­ So "give God the praise for His Amazing Grace that saved a wretch like you and me!  As children of God, every one of us has fallen into some of the "pit holes", snares and hidden traps of sin. ­ In other words, all of us have been guilty of something even if it was something as simple as driving 65 mph in a 55 mph zone or as severe as taking the life of another individual. ­ It isn’t until one “grasp” how universal this experience is, can one see the need of salvation. ­ One will be forever hearing but never understanding; forever seeing but never perceiving.­ In these last and evil days, many people's heart have become cruel. Nowadays, people hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes to truth.­ Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, turn from their wicked ways and let God heal them (Acts 28:27).­ I'm a witness, where there is no vision, the people perish (Proverbs 29:18.)­

PRAYER:  Dear Lord, MY TROUBLES ARE REAL.  ­HOW CAN I KEEP FROM BEING OVERWHELMED BY THEM?  LET ME FEEL YOUR COMFORTING EMBRACE AND LET ME FEEL THAT YOU ARE LIGHTENING MY BURDEN.) AMEN.

 

­CHAPTER­ 1:  ­­AIN’T­ LIFE­ LIKE ­THAT

 

     At some point, I guess we've all had our share of ups and downs; good times and bad times; staying in trouble more than we stayed out of it; been in and out of love (with the same person too) more times than "Van Camp" got Pork-n-Beans (you have to be over 40 to understand the beauty of that term); and anything else one can think of that either I couldn't or wouldn't write about.­ "The good ole days" when everything was just fun and games.­ In our palm was a handful of cards.­ As for my cards, they ranged from education and athletic scholarships (THE PROMISE), career opportunities, (THE FALL), and salvation (RESURRECTION AFTER THE FALL.) ­Of course at the time, my favorite card was living LIFE IN THE FAST LANE.  Little did I know what a long lane and such a treacherous game it was going to be and just how stacked was the deck...                             

 

CHAPTER 2:  ­­DO ­THE ­RIGHT ­THING

 

     I will try to the best of my ability to tell you step-by-step of things I experienced myself, although a few are based on the observations of others.­ Experience has certainly helped me come to know and love the Lord, holding fast to my own faith.­ It showed me that none of us are much above basic humanity, therefore, we must be able to move beyond "just crying over stuff" and go on.­ Finding some humor in our problems is the next best thing to solving them.  Furthermore, this attitude represents a stance toward life which is essentially a Christian one.­ This is essential to the ongoing, daily process of affirming God's creation, warts and all.­

Finding fulfillment (for myself) was not the result of an intelligent and comprehensive search for truth.­ It was the result of such deep pain that I was forced to look and find an answer or slip into a deep depression and eventually die.­ There are things that happened in my life that probably should not have happened and things that didn't happen that possibly should have happened.  At this point in my life, I am more than convinced that most people, (if not all) falls somewhere within these 3 groups:  (1) a group that’s asking, "What’s happening?" (2) A group that’s wishing it could happen, or (3) a group that’s making it happen.

 

PRAYER:  (DEAR LORD, I ASK FOR GIVENESS FOR NOT DOING MANY THINGS THAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE AND FOR DOING MANY THINGS I DID BUT SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE.­ I'M TRULY ASHAMED.) AMEN.

 

CHAPTER 3:  LIFE IN MY HOMETOWN

 

    I was born in Atlanta but grew up in a small town called Swainsboro.­ This is a community where all of the kids in the neighborhood attended the same school, went to the same church, knew all of the same people..., shucks, all of us guys even tried to date the same girls.  Now that I think about it, I will confess that I fell into that group of people (that I mentioned earlier) who, "wished it could or would happen," because I already knew what was happening!  ­Most of the time I just didn't have the nerves to take a stand to make it happen, trying desperately to be the kind of boy parents warned their daughters about! ­ Come on guys, don’t get deep on me! ­ If you have taken time to read this far, then chances are you know exactly where I'm coming from. So I wore a mask.­ Who would suspect that I was wearing a mask?­ I was wearing a thousand masks, masks that I was afraid to take off and only one of them was really me.  I really tried to give people the impression that I was secure, (that group of people who made things happen!) I wanted people to believe that confidence was my name and coolness my game.­ But down inside, a long conviction of worthlessness led me to maintain close to people but distant.­ The nearer people approached me, the more I stepped back.­ It was self-defeating but at the same time it seemed the safest thing to do.­ I fought against the very things I cried out for.­ I wanted people to automatically understand me in spite of my distancing tactics.  I was definitely an “above average” student in school because I studied very little and easily maintained a low B average.­ It took a while and a few bad choices but I eventually got the revelation that education was a top priority with my family.­ When my grades were good I was rewarded, but when I didn't do so well it was like I had committed the an unpardonable or unforgivable sin and reaped all of its consequences:  no watching television for a week, no talking on the phone, no company after school, no staying up past 8 pm.  ­Oh, did I forget to mention the "Board" of Education was applied to the "Seat" of Knowledge?­ (again only you guys who lived in the era before spanking your own children could get you in trouble can truly appreciate what I 'm talking about).

 

­ PRAYER:  (LORD I PRAY FOR THE COURAGE OF MY CONVICTIONS.  INSTILL IN ME THE DETERMINATION TO MAKE THE RIGHT THINGS HAPPEN.) AMEN.

 

        CHAPTER 4:  THE CROWNING OF A CHAMPION

   

As a student, I was no stranger to athletic competition.­ If you couldn't find me anywhere else (for sure) you could find me on a court with a basketball in my hand.  Coaches spend much of their time developing feeder systems to develop quality athletes for the future.­ But sometimes a good athlete drops right in your lap, and I was told as a youngster this was the case with me.  At a very young age I can remember my teachers and coaches encouraging me to get involved in sports.­ "you have a lot of potential," they would tell me. Coaches kept me active year round in sports.­ It was at this point in my life, I began to see (realistically) that sports could be one of the keys to future success.  As a high school freshmen, I decided to drop football and concentrate more fully on basketball, along with track and field.­ By my 10th grade year, based on my credentials and all that I had accomplished to this point, most of the people who followed sports in Swainsboro were convinced that I had great potential as a prospective student/athlete at some major college.­ I had already broken most of the school records as a track star and help to lead our basketball team to an undefeated season of 25-0 as a senior.  I can remember one basketball game in particular when our team record was 14-0.­ We needed one win to remain the only undefeated team in the state of Georgia.­ During this particular game, our team was trailing 57-50 with 40 seconds to play.­ I remember calling a time-out and as my teammates and I walked to the bench, one of my teammates smiled and told the coach, "we're going to win this game." Well ...we did win the game and remained the only undefeated team in the state that year.  I want to inform the younger critics (and remind the old schooler’s) that the 3 point line did not exists, so that made this a pretty exciting comeback!!

 

PRAYER:  (FATHER, YOU HAVE GIVEN ME A SENSE OF RIGHT AND WRONG.­ IF I MAKE CHOICES THAT I KNOW WILL NOT PLEASE YOU,GIVE ME COURAGE TO ADMIT MY MISTAKES) AMEN.

 

              

CHAPTER 5:  MY FAMILY

 

    My parents birth 3 boys and 2 girls.  I can comfortably say that I have no step brothers, nor step sisters mainly because of my mother’s strong Christian faith and family morals.  However, my father seemed to be a little more interested in the things of this present world than with his own soul.­ It would seem only in order for me to be named John D.Dennis, III after my father.­ I was the middle child which meant that I had no excuse to mess up as bad as I messed up because my older sister and brother had given me good examples to follow.  Obviously my younger brother and sister were good examples behind me because they were smart enough to do the opposite of everything I tried to get them to do. Somebody came up with a name for children in the family like me.  I was known as the "black sheep" of the family.  We were the typical upper-low class social economical black family during this period of time.­ My mother worked two jobs and my father worked whenever and wherever the job market allowed black men to work.­ I guess we dealt with the same problems and stresses of any typical family with too little money and too any bills.

 

PRAYER:  (FATHER IN HEAVEN, I OFTEN FORGET HOW FORTUNATE I AM THAT I HAVE FAMILY AND FRIENDS THAT LOVE ME.­ HELP ME TO REMEMBER HOW EMPTY MY LIFE WOULD BE WITHOUT THEM.) AMEN.

 

           CHAPTER 6:  SILENT KILLER OF THE 80's

 

     Crack hit the streets around 1986 and became popular in 1987.­ The summer of 1988 is about the time that I began using crack.­ I don't remember any one thing or event that necessarily led up to my addiction which is why this drug is so dangerous.­ It became a "silent killer" of the 80's and is no less now.­ Crack is so accessible that you can purchase it on just about any street corner, especially where you see a lot of teenagers hanging together. 

 

PRAYER:  (DEAR FATHER, HELP ME TO RESIST TEMPTATIONS THAT I KNOW ARE MORALLY WRONG.­ STRENGTHENED ME WITH THY POWERFUL HAND.) AMEN.

 

           CHAPTER 7:  I WORE A THOUSAND MASKS

 

    During this time, I was a teacher/coach in the public school system living what would seem to most:  a perfect life!  Since I was a professional, why would anyone suspect that I was wearing a mask.­ I wore a thousand masks, masks that I was afraid to take off, and only one of them were me.­ I gave people the impression that I was secure, that confidence was my name and coolness my game, that the water's calm and I was in control and so I needed no one.  To my peers and everyone else, I imagine my surface seemed smooth ...but beneath I dwelled in confusion, in fear.  In my mind, Crack Cocaine made me think I was hiding the real me.  I panicked at the thought of my weakness and feared that somebody would uncover the real me without drugs in my system.  Maybe I used drugs to create a mood to hide behind, hoping that people would be fooled by this mask.­ I felt if I didn't keep this mask in front of myself, people would think less of me because of their great expectations from me.  So I played the game ...­the drug game, my desperate, pretending game with a phony assurance without and a trembling feeling within, knowing that I was living a lie.­ So my life became a front. Somewhere inside of me disliked the superficial, phony game I was playing.­ I really wanted to be open with someone.­ I wanted someone to risk approaching me, although many think this is the last thing any addict seems to want or need.  If you directly or indirectly know of someone  addicted to Crack, just keep in mind each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging to that addict, each time the victim is convinced that you understand, (even when you don't) their courage to risk sharing themselves with you and the possibility of accepting Christ increases. 

 

PRAYER: (DEAR LORD, ARE ALL MY TROUBLES REALLY OPPORTUNITIES IN DISGUISE? ­ HELP ME TO SEE BEYOND THE PAINFUL TIMES AND TO TRUST IN YOUR GUIDANCE.) AMEN.

 

      CHAPTER 8:  WHAT WOULD MAKE A PERSON USE CRACK?

 

     You're probably asking yourself the very same question I asked myself years after God delivered me from drugs, "what would make a person use crack, which is just a dead end street?" You won't necessarily find the answer in what you are reading because there are as many reasons why a person would use drugs as there is why a person shouldn't use them.  Once again let me remind you that Crack is everywhere.  It's in our neighborhoods, in our schools, in our work force, in our church, and even in our government.­ You can buy it in any price range from $1 to $1000.­ You can get a $1 "hit" for a large bath towel, any household goods, food stamps, or personal items such as leather, gold, or diamonds.­ A VCR, DVD, Computer, camera, a microwave oven, or TV might get you a $20 "hit."  I paid $20 for a rock which was usually the size of my thumbnail.­ If I didn't smoke fast, it would last me from half hour to one hour.­ BUT MY TRIP WAS JUST BEGINNING! ­ Crack addicts are always seeking the feeling of that first hit!!  They seek to hear “The Bells” in their ears but unfortunately the first hit will not be experienced again, so addicts spend all of their money chasing after something that is not going to happen right away.  All day and all night I would run back and forth to the crack dealer.­ I would say to myself each time, "this is my last rock, I’ve got to be at work in the morning.”­ This money has to last me until pay day next month." But sad to say, I (ALWAYS) ended up broke the same night.­ After I was finished smoking, not only was I broke, but I didn't have food to eat, no gas money for my car, not even clothes to wear.  Up until a certain point during my addiction, I was blessed to still have a car!­ I was so addicted to crack cocaine that I would "pawn" my car for money to buy rocks, or loan it out for the purpose of dealers making "a run." Most of the time, I'd be lucky enough to get my car back.­ Even when I did get my car back it would be "hot" because the police knew my car had been in drug areas.  The dealer who had it either sold drugs from it or loaned it out while they had it.  At times I would not see my car for days.     

So here I am “the day after” with no car, I would have a headache, while suffering from major depression, no money and broke, I felt stupid and taken advantage of, I felt like a fool for spending everything I had.­ I would be tired, dehydrated, and yes I would forget to call my school to let them know I would not be working that day.­ I figured that since I was just starting this “mad journey” into the world of crack, I could always invent a logical excuse for my constant negligence, my tardiness, my changing moods, my shabby appearance, and my obvious weight loss.  My addiction of cocaine fooled me into believing that after a couple of days I would be alright.­ But, after a couple of days, I would go through my routine all over again and tell myself, "NEVER AGAIN WILL I DO THAT STUFF!!" But as soon as I got paid or got money, I was back at the crack dealer’s house for more.  I was greatly deceived by the devil.­ I was always able to overcome most obstacles in my life.­ This is why I could not accept the reality of being addicted to something.­ I didn't smoke cocaine in my apartment house when I first started smoking crack.­ I went to a friends house (although you never really have a friend in the world of crack) or paid to smoke in a smoke house.­ Later I started smoking in my house and allowed others as well.­ I began having a lot of traffic in and out of my house all times of the night.  People took things from my house to exchange for drugs.­ Drugs deceived me so badly that (at one point) I tried to smoke AND sell crack.­ No way! ­ If you smoke and try to sell you will end up behind the eight ball every time.­ I ended up spending my rent money, car payment, bill money, and everyone else's money who was foolish enough to give me money.­ My apartment had no electricity or gas and no luxuries.­ It was like living in the pits of hell.­

 

PRAYER: (HEAVENLY FATHER, THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I WANT TO SHARE EXPERIENCES AND THOUGHTS WITH OTHER PEOPLE BUT OFTEN DO NOT FEEL THEY WILL UNDERSTAND.­ I AM THANKFUL I CAN TALK WITH YOU AND FEEL YOUR UNDERSTANDING.) AMEN.

 

          CH. 9:  STEPPED ON ALL MY FRIENDS   

 

     During the time I was suppose to be having fun smoking crack and living recklessly, I stepped on all my friends and family members who really loved me.­ When they could no longer take the pain I had placed upon them, they applied what is known as "hard love." They could no longer continue to watch me die right before their eyes.­ I found myself without a job and no place to go.­  At this point, I had decided to do the right thing.­ I approached my school principal in confidentiality and admitted my drug addition.­ I can't put in words how bad I felt having to go to the person that hired me, based on my strong morals and self discipline.­  I began to remember earlier in that same year during our interview, walking through the school building and around the campus, seeing this confident smile on my principal’s face and how she began sharing with me the fact that I came highly recommended for the job.  She shared with me a letter that had been hand-written and given to her about me.  I want to share this letter with you:  "It has been my privilege to have known John for several years.­ In that time I have known him both in his professional capacity and in various social situations.  It is my observation that as a teacher he is a true professional, performing his duties with the utmost efficiency and ability.­ He is innovative and dynamic in the classroom, infusing his students with tremendous motivation and instilling in them an appetite for the joys of learning.  Socially, I know Mr. Dennis to be a person of moral principles.­ He can handle the amenities of any situation.  He is intelligent and multi-talented.  Perhaps it is an indication of his personality and proficiency that he is respected and popular with friends, students, and colleague.  It is without reservation that I recommend Mr.­John Dennis to your attention."  This is one of the many letters written to my principal that convicted me to the point that I had to do the right thing by going public and confessing that I had an addition.­ Otherwise I  would not only be living a lie, but I would indirectly be aiding (and enabling)  others to do the same.  My principal supported me through all of this, however, the Board of Education decided that it would be better not to renew my teaching contract.­ Not only was I not re-hired but they recommended to the State Department to suspend my teaching certificate.  Basically, I was railroaded out of the system.­ I was getting ready to take a mental journey that ­took over my entire being!  The mental journey I'm talking about is the physical problems that I began experiencing from smoking crack.  From my first hit, which lasted only about five to ten minutes, to my last hit, I was constantly raising my blood pressure, pulse rate, and respiration rate.­ Just think, if you smoke all night, how your system goes through this over and over again.  I got paranoid around people and became suicidal.­ At this point I began drinking alcohol to help control the intensity of the crack.­ So now I was drinking alcohol (number 1 drug in America) and smoking crack.­ I did not eat or drank fluids and lost weight from 230 lbs. to about 165lbs.­ I became dehydrated which caused my hair to fall out.­  It also robbed my body of protein and vitamin C.­ I lost sexual desire and any interest in the opposite sex (mind you that crack cravings are a lot stronger than sexual cravings.)  A crack user's cravings don't make him ill.­ Crack is psychological, and is a very strong mind drug.­ If I didn't get crack, I wouldn't get sick, but since the mind is so powerful, I would give in to the strong desire and get high.­ This is the addiction of the "crack addict." Listen to me and please listen well, when you ride with cocaine you are headed for hell.

 

PRAYER:  (DEAR LORD, I KNOW YOU ARE NOT CRUEL, PUNISHING GOD, SO WHEN THINGS GO WRONG KEEP ME FROM BLAMING YOU AND HELP ME ACCEPT MY RESPONSIBILITIES.) AMEN.

 

         

CHAPTER 10:  YOU ARE NEVER SATISFIED

 

   Unfortunately, you are never satisfied and you never have enough.  Although many times an addict spends all of their pay check, exhaust their bank account, borrow money from their family and friends, they are never content.­ Drugs will make you rob steal and kill, when you're under it's power you will have no will.­ There is no future for a crack user, just a Dead End Street, a vicious cycle before the end.­ You usually end up losing family, friends, homes, cars, finances, dignity, pride, self esteem, and in many cases your health and yes for some it is a slow suicide.  The only reason I am a recovered crack monster, a person not just merely existing anymore but really LIVING, is because GOD saved my life and my soul on April 4, 1990.­ I had a very personal experience with the Lord in my car on March 22, 1990 in the state of Tennessee.­

 

PRAYER: (NO MAN CAN TRUTHFULLY DECLARE:  I DON'T NEED GOD, I DON'T NEED PRAYER.­ THERE ARE TIMES WHEN, WEARY OF WALKING ALONE, WE NEED STRENGTH BEYOND OUR OWN.) AMEN.

 

                CHAPTER 11:  MARCH MADNESS 

 

   After being unemployed for over 2 years and living in sin, I started feeling the conviction of the Lord.­ I became very uncomfortable with my living arrangement and all the people that were in my life.­ I saw myself headed no where fast!­ This was the month of March because I remember everyday expecting to find my Income Tax Check in the mail so I could run and give it to the crack dealers.­ My brother had filled out my taxes a few weeks earlier and knew I was due a refund, so I was able to convince him to send me $400 for travel expense to Indiana with the promise to repay him once I received my tax refund.­ In my heart I sincerely thought I was really ready to clean up my life.­ Well I went right to the crack house after I received the money in the mail.­ I was broke within a few hours.­ It was during this month that I lost everything I owned including respect in myself.­ I tried to go "cold turkey" which didn't work.­ I tried to get into a Rehabilitation Program but they told me I couldn't be admitted into their facility unless I was suicidal.­ Well, I threatened to kill the counselor and admitted to several unsuccessful suicidal attempts.­ They were convinced at that point that I was suicidal and that I needed help.  Little did I know that the lie I had just told was the lie that changed my life!  This facility that I thought was for drug addicts turned out to be a Mental Institution.­ Naturally when I found out I no longer wanted to stay there.­ Another thing I discovered was how easy it is to get into one of these facilities but almost impossible to get out.­ I kept trying to convince the counselors that I had lied just to get admitted into the facility and I was not mentally disturbed.  The more I tried to convince them that I was okay, the more I wasn't so sure myself that I wasn't crazy.  Those people had me on a 24 hour around the clock suicide watch.  This is normal procedure for patients who they feel are suicidal.  Whenever I went to the restroom, they followed me. When I watched television, they followed me.­ When I went to eat, they were right there with me.­ When I needed to use the restroom, they even followed me and kept a log of every move I made.  I think you can understand why I began to become very irate.­ Well, this didn't help because the people already thought I was crazy! ­ The counselors began to write down every comment I made to them and to other patients, along with all of my actions.­ I had been in this Institution about four or five hours before they convinced me that they were not going to release me.  They attempted to give me different medications, however, I remembered my youngest brother telling me not to take any medications.  After The pills were forced down my throat, I began to really feel laid back.  Even though I wasn't crazy, if I continued taking that medication I WOULD BE CRAZY!!  I remembered calling my youngest brother from a pay phone in the facility and explained to him exactly what had happened up until this point.­ He felt very bad because he was the one that recommended that I go there and helped me get admitted.  This whole dilemma was starting to get kind of serious because my brother was a Law Enforcement Officer and (after) he came over to explain what had happened and how this was all a mistake, they would not release me.  Since he was unsuccessful, he attempted to contact a judge to get a court order to have me release me.  In the meantime, he made several other phone calls, including a call for advice because she was employed by the Sheriff Department.  She was no help, my brother couldn't contact the judge and here I sat being told that I would have to spend the weekend there.­ I told those people if they didn't get me out of that place I would go from pretending to committing suicide to killing myself for real.­ I just couldn't take anymore of this madness.  I ended up spending the night there and about noon the following day, my brother was successful in getting me released.  The counselor made me promise not to ever lie just to get what I want.­ At that point I would agree to anything just to get out of that place.­ After being released, I left there and went back to my apartment.  Several weeks past before my oldest brother was able to contact me.­ I made up some lie out of hell as to why I had not come to Indiana, which he didn't buy.­ At this point he was getting pretty fed up with me and my inconsistent lies.­ He promised to send me money one more time.­ He told me,” after this time my hands are pure from the blood of you."  At the time I didn't know what he meant, but I do know that those words pricked me at the heart.­ He did send the money and I let Satan deceive me once again to buy crack.  The scripture warns us who think we are strong to take heed, lest we fall.­ Unless a person is ready and willing to admit that they have a problem with crack and they cannot control crack, and that crack is controlling them, then repent from sin and turn to God, there is very little hope of total recovery.­ God had to turn my life around.  Several days (after I had spent the money my brother had sent me) I got gas money from a friend so that I could drive to Indiana.­ As faith would have it, this time (before I went to the crack house) I went straight to the Gas Station and got a tank of gas.­ After buying a tank of gas, I had about $30 left.­ A part of me wanted to go to Indiana, but a part of me wanted more crack since I had the money.­ So I compromised.­ I got a $20 hit of crack which left me with $10.­ After I started smoking, the vicious cycle started.­ I began having the same spiritual warfare.­ The difference this time is that I had driven 50 miles out of the city heading to Indiana. I was almost out of the wilderness.­ I must have battled back and forth an hour or so before I decided to buy a half-pint of liquor to help settle my nervous mind.­ At this point, all I had left was a little less than $10 and a prayer.­ To make the gas last as long as possible, I put $2 worth of gas in my tank every time the gas hand moved from full to 3/4 full.­

 

PRAYER: (DEAR LORD, WHEN I SET GOALS GIVE ME THE COURAGE TO REACH HIGHER THAN I THINK POSSIBLE.­ FILL ME WITH CONFIDENCE THAT WITH YOU BESIDE ME ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.)  AMEN.

 

               CHAPTER 12:  THE CONVERSION

 

     At this point, I will ask you to try as best as possible to enter into what might have been going on in my mind.­ When you do, you will see that this is not a sudden conversion but a surrender.­ Thoughts about all the situations I had been in from crack houses and near death situations, to the Mental Institution, to hurting my family, to bringing myself, to public shame, to so many missed opportunities.  ALL OF THESE EMOTIONS lingered in my mind and would not banish.­ How could a person with a relatively good upbringing with so many opportunities to succeed find himself wallowing in the mud with pigs?  This only made matters worse because once again I had to ask myself what secret did other people have who faced perils and sufferings, and trials and tribulations but were able to come out more than a conqueror?­ Still driving, I thought to myself here I am 30 years old, I have no job, no future, no dignity, $10 in my pocket, one change of cloths, and a tank of gas.  It was at this very moment I had an experience with Jesus Christ.  I mean a REAL experience with Christ!!  Whether it was in the body, I cannot tell; or whether out of the body, I cannot tell; only God knows) but I was caught up into His glory and heard unspeakable words.­ Whether it was a revelation or not, I don’t know, but this one thing I do know, before I became a Christian, I was blind, but now I can see.­ This experience was as if a “spiritual toothbrush” had washed my mouth clean of that horrible addiction that I had just spent the last two years of my life trying on my own to stop.  In my heart I could feel the Lord telling me to go into the city of Newburgh, and (there) I will tell you what you must do.­ I stopped in Kentucky to pick up my sister, get a bite to eat and head onto Indiana.  Shortly after my sister and I arrived at our brother’s house in Indiana, he embraced me and my sister, then I heard him thank the Lord for blessing us to make a safe trip there.­ At this point I was still pondering on what had happened to me earlier that day in my car.­ I still wasn't sure what all of this meant.­ All I know is that I didn't want anymore crack Cocaine!

     After we sat around and talked half the night I finally fell asleep.­ After (seems like) just a few minutes of sleep, my brother awakened me, and asked if I wanted to go to church with him.­ I immediately said no!­ Finally, I told him I couldn't go because I didn't have any changing cloths with me.­ He told me he figured I didn't have anything for church, so he had already ironed me a shirt.­ My brother looked at me as if to say, "now you don't have any excuses not to go to church."  After I finally agreed to go, I started feeling something I had not felt since my days as an athlete:  I FELT GOOD ABOUT BEING ME!!  I don't know how but I looked at my hands and they looked new and I looked at my feet and they did too!­ WOW! ­What a change!  We got to church early THAT Sunday morning, which gave me an opportunity to meet most of the members of his church.­ I was actually enjoying life again.­ I enjoyed the service so much that I went to a Revival the following week.­ On the third night of the Revival, this little "hotshot" preacher had the nerve to point his finger at me and say, "young man the Lord is speaking to your heart again and there is something you would like to tell the people." I thought to myself, the nerve of this man.­ Besides, how did he know the Lord had already spoken to me?­”  Well, I just sat there on that pew until something on the inside of me that seemed like intense fire shut up in my bones caused me, not only to jump to my feet, but those same feet ran me to the altar!­ Before I knew it, I was standing before a church full of people watching them watch me.­ I guess the scripture that says, "just open your mouth and I'll speak for you" came to life that night because the Lord blessed me to stand before those saints of God to give a testimony that blew their mind!­ (It blew my mind too).  That very same night that I gave my heart to the Lord, He immediately began opening doors in my life both naturally and spiritually.­ Within a week or so I was employed.­ Gods people were really showing me why God sent His Son to die for sinners like me.  ­In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye the long battle of a crack cocaine addiction was over and I had completely surrendered to Christ.  It wasn't long that I was introduced to a beautiful young woman in the Lord.­ Needless to say, my testimony blew her mind.­ After several months of God revealing and confirming to both of us that we were to be husband and wife, this young lady and I said, "Yes Lord!" I feel that Gods plan was to completely eradicate my past.­ Even though I knew OF God from my early childhood, I did not know that God had this kind of a blessing in store for me.­ Another part of this miraculous conversion was on November 4, 1991 when I accepted my calling into the ministry.­ I thank Christ, who enabled me, for he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry; who was before a blasphemer, and a persecutor and drug addict who was injurious to society.­ But I obtained mercy because I did it ignorantly in unbelief.­ And the grace of our Lord was exceeding abundant with faith and love which is in Jesus Christ.­ This is a faithful saying of all acceptation, that Christ came into this world to save sinners of whom I was chief.­ Now unto the King eternal, the only wise God, be honor and glory for ever.­ Amen.

 

 

CHAPTER­ 13:  ­­I ­WON'T­ BE­ SILENT ­ANYMORE

    

Over the years, God has smiled warmly on all of us.  Millions of souls have been saved, some with incredible testimonies of deliverance from drug addiction, prostitution, homosexuality, child abuse, and even demonic possession.­ Countless others have been miraculously healed from life-threatening conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, and cancer.­ The lame walk, the blind see, and broken relationships between father and son, brother and sister, husband and wife and employer and employee have been restored.  It is unfortunate that many of these miracles have not been widely shared.­ while others mired in similar situations succumb to fear and unbelief; many of us with life-giving testimonies stand by in silence.  Now is the time for those of us who have been miraculously touched by God to pledge, "I WON'T BE SILENT ANYMORE” Our testimonies could be the instruments through which God can build faith, enabling him to work more miracles.

 

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